The cheesy heart shaped chocolates. The red roses. The ridiculously oversized stuffed animals. Valentine’s Day. You either love it or love to hate it. Why do so many of us find Valentine’s Day a little underwhelming? It’s because we’ve been doing it all wrong.
Enter: The Five Love Languages. Hands down, this is one of the single greatest things I’ve done for my marriage. I have to admit this concept BLEW MY MIND when I was first introduced to it. I literally read this entire book in one bath. Yes, I was quite wrinkly by the end of it, but it fascinated me so much I couldn’t put it down! The premise is that there are five ways we show and feel love and most people have one primary way they identify with the most. Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Quality Time. Most couples do not have the same love language so that means you each feel love in completely different ways.
I quickly identified that my love language is Words of Affirmation and Ryan’s is Acts of Service. Now, everything was starting to make so much more sense. Ryan naturally shows love through doing things for me- fixing things, building things, helping with the house. I always appreciate these kind gestures, but when he writes me a heartfelt card, tells me what he loves about me, or praises me in front of other people, I feel the MOST LOVED. I naturally compliment him, post cheesy rants about how great he is on Facebook, and write him little notes, and I’m sure he appreciates it, but he feels the MOST LOVED when I do things for him- cleaning the house, cooking his favorite dinner, or grabbing that Redbox movie he’s been dying to see. We both have to step outside what feels natural for us, because it’s most natural to show love the way you feel love. But the most selfless way to love your significant other is in their love language… and that takes work.
“But the most selfless way to love your significant other is in their love language… and that takes work.”
Here are a few suggestions for each love language.
Acts of Service:
Cook their favorite meal (and dessert!) instead of a night out
Give them a coupon book with things you’ll do for them (wash their car, a back rub, cooking their favorite meal, etc.)
Make a gift for them instead of buying one
Help around the house (dishes, cleaning, laundry) on Valentine’s Day so they can enjoy the evening away more
Words of Affirmation:
Post something sweet and encouraging about them on Facebook
Make them a jar with “50 Reasons I love you” inside
Tell them what you love and admire about them in person
Write them a heartfelt card
Do a scavenger hunt around the house where you hide slips of paper with fun memories together or compliments on them
Receiving Gifts:
Leave little notes around the house, in their office, etc. for them to find throughout the day
Make or buy a gift that brings back old memories (something from your first date, favorite restaurant, etc.)
Get them several small meaningful gifts they can open throughout the day/night
Do a scavenger hunt around the house with small tokens of affection
Physical Touch:
Give them a massage or back rub
Hug and kiss when you walk through the door
Hold hands and show affection when out in public
Quality Time:
Plan out a low-key date night where you guys will have plenty of uninterrupted time to talk and connect
Agree to leave your phones and devices in the car or at home for the night (or make it a regular occurrence to do so)
Give them a gift of a class or activity you two can do together (fitness, arts, learning a new language, etc.)
Set a weekly or bi-weekly date night and stick to it!
Here’s to loving your spouse better!
What’s your love language? Would love any feedback from you guys!!
Photo cred to Lauren Tomasella Photography.
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